She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.


Here’s a fabulous example of where a Beijing hotel has evidently used machine translation to produce its brochure, word for word from Mandarin to English.

Getting There
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

The Hotel
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.

The Restaurant
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.

Your Room
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.

Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

Above All
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.


You’d be amazed at just how much of what you read on a daily basis has been translated from another language. 

If it’s done skillfully, you’d never know it was a translation. We often buy goods and services from around the world and we rely upon clear, accurate descriptions of the products before we happily go ahead and pay good money.

on laptop screen

Beware online translation software! It’s fine if you just need to get the gist of something, but for a professional document or article, it will always need human input.  There are a lot of online tools available, such as Babelfish and Google Translate, which will translate passages of text into any number of languages for free, but any serious business owner knows this is a false economy if they need their marketing to read clearly and accurately in English.


If you are an international business

that wants to reach the English-speaking market, you have a choice: either use the services of a professionally qualified translator, or if you are fairly confident in your command of English but want to be sure, you would be wise to ask a proofreader to polish your document or article before you publish, to ensure there are no cheeky innuendos such as those in the hotel brochure!

Do let me know what you think!

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